Elevator Wide World of Sports

Tom:
Welcome back and as you can see Bill in marketing is still stnading.  For those of you just tuning in, we stuck Bob Hillburg’s division in charge of east coast outbound in an elevator which is now permanently stuck between two floors and we’re watching how they’re reacting.

Benny:
A grueling battle to see who is indeed the toughest both mentally, physically and blatterally, Tom.
	
Tom:
Right you are, Benny.  So far, our lucky unknowing contestants have been lodged in a vicious three hour battle royal.  The winner of this may even go as far as Vice President of Detachments, if they can withstand this.

Benny:
	And it is rough, let me tell you.

Tom:
	Why don’t you give us another run down on the elevator itself and our contestants?

Benny:
Well Tom, after only fifteen minutes of being trapped and forced to listen to the Girl from Iponema, elevator music version, Bob chewed his own ears off in a move that most would have though would have taken him out of the running.  But as it seems to have turned out, he’s the only one who is now unaffected by the droning tunes.

Tom:
	Of course loss of blood has seemed to take some of the wind out of his sails.

Benny:
	You’re a sail.

Tom:
	That didn’t make any sense.

Benny:
No, no it did not.  And in a stunning turn of events in the elevator, Stan the copy boy has managed to strangle Joe McMahon with... with... his own blood soaked tie?

Tom:
	No Benny, I believe that’s his own entrails.

Benny:
	A daring move but we’ll see if it pays off in the end.

Tom:
	Tell us a little about our contestants, Benny.

Benny:
Stan the copy boy is a temp in the mail room recently given the duty of gopher in attempt to promote him through the union.  Joe was the next in line to the water cooler, but he seems to be out of it now.  Tough luck, Joe.  And finally, there’s Bob without the ears, who was in charge of the bilingual translations.  If he makes it out of this, it’ll be interesting to see if he can work his magic in that department again.  And our last contestant is gravity.

Tom:
	What?  How can gravity be a contestant?

Benny:
	We simply cut the cable (*snap*) and gravity joins the fight.

Tom:
	Well, that’s stupid!  No one can beat gravity.

Benny:
	Planes do!

Tom:
	None of our contestants were planes.

Benny:
Well, we’ll know for next time.  And besides, people can beat gravity all the time.  Watch as I jump out our 20^th story window.  (jumps) See, it’s easy!  I’m flying!!!

Tom:
	No, you’re falling, dumbass.

Benny:
	Shit! (*splat*)

Tom:
And that’s all the time we have today.  Join us next time and find out who will replace Benny.  And remember, don’t fight gravity.  It’ll kick your ass.  Good night!